A Letter to My Daughter on Her First Day of School
Dear daughter,
Today is the day you have been waiting for! You get to go to school!
Boy, would I love to be a fly on the wall in that room. I would get to see you sitting on the carpet as your teacher reads to you and your classmates. I would get to see you loving your art projects. I would get to watch you holding your pencil or crayon as you write and draw. I would get to see you infectiously laughing with your friends as you play in the pretend play center.
I know I would also see you learning to work through some things that challenge you. And, my girl, you will have challenges, I'm afraid. School won’t always be easy. You’ll have rules that will be a bit different than the ones you’re used to at home. Your teacher won’t do everything the same as your mama and daddy do. But please know that they're great gals and they aren't there to frustrate you or make you upset. They're choosing to help grow the minds of the future! They want to help you.
If you already knew how to do everything, you wouldn’t even need school. So when you struggle with learning to write a certain letter or cut a certain shape, know that you just have to keep trying. You may not be able to learn everything right away, though I know you will do some of that too, because you have a wonderful brain in your head!
I fully expect you to shed some tears, because I know you have big emotions and, for a while, it might be hard for you to accept the changes and do some of the things on your own.
I hope you know that your mama is going to be struggling with this transition as well. I’ve been anxious about this day for weeks. I’ve carefully picked a lunchbox to pack your nutritious lunch inside. I’ve made lists of what foods I need to keep on hand. I picked out your outfit days ago. I’ve looked up the different routes we will need to take to ensure you get there in time (it’s not a short drive, by any means…). I’ve planned our mornings down to the minute as an attempt to make them go smoothly and to avoid clothing meltdowns, even though I’m fully aware there will still be some of those from time to time.
I’ve tried to prepare you as much as I possibly can. Reminding you to flush and wash your hands anytime you go to the bathroom, encouraging you to put your own clothes on (just in case!), allowing you to do some of your own food preparation, working on your scissor skills, and also helping you learn to manage those big emotions of yours in a healthy way that doesn’t make you feel bad for feeling a certain way. I’ve shed a lot of tears the past few weeks as well. You get those big emotions from me, ya know.
I am your mama. You’ve been my baby for four years now, and I worry that I’ve coddled you too much or haven’t taught you enough. It’s a hard transition to make when your little baby becomes a toddler, and then a preschooler. When did you stop needing my help with some of these things? When did you become such a big girl? I feel like it was only yesterday when I was snuggling my newly-born little baby girl!
But, I also know how important this will be for you and your growth as a little human being. You need to learn how to be around other kids and how to interact with them. I know you’ll need to experience some heartbreak and failure in your life, as much as it will break my heart to watch. You’ll need to endure some struggles to feel that sense of accomplishment when you come out on the other side.
I won’t lie to you; this has been a major test of my faith in God. I’m having to learn to trust that He is going to hold your hand (and mine!) as we go through this change. You’re just as much His child as you are mine, if not more so! He gave you to me knowing that I would eventually have to let you go, and this is just the beginning.
I know that I’m going to have to try to hold back my tears and fears today as I drop you off. I’m going to have to walk you into your classroom, give you a hug that won’t be long enough, and then turn around to leave you, (please don’t cry!) in the hands of your wonderful teachers. I’ll have to bravely walk back to the car with your little brother, where I’m sure I will finally lose my composure and let out all those tears. I will want to run back in and steal you away…but I won’t do that.
I won’t even talk about what your brother and I will be doing while you’re at school. I don’t even know that yet myself! He might have a hard time with the change in our daily dynamic also. I’m expecting him to walk around asking where Sissy is the whole time! I will have to find something to distract the both of us.
But we can do this, Baby Girl, or maybe I should call you “Big Girl” now. Today is going to be a hard day, but at the end, when it’s over, I will be so happy to come back to get you. I will do my best to not smother you with my hugs and all of my relief to have you back in my arms after my time without you. We will drive home and you can tell me all about what you did today. You can tell me the good and the bad, and if needed, we can problem-solve together to try to make the next day even better!
So, daughter of mine, if I don’t do such a good job of hiding my sadness today, please know that this is still such a good thing that you’re doing. And if you’re scared, please know that you aren’t there alone. You’ll have teachers to keep you safe and help you. You’ll have a few friends who you already know from church, and hopefully you will make a few more! Remember that God is always with you, even though you can’t see Him. He is helping you more than you realize. If it makes you feel any better, I know He’s been hearing the anxious prayers from your mama!
And, beautiful girl of mine, know that if you’re missing your mama and daddy, we will be missing you too!
Love,
Your mama.
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